Brendan Coady

Knowing what you want is a superpower.

Most people don't know what they want. Ask what they want out of life and they will respond with something vague and unhelpful like "I want to be happy" or "I want to be successful".

Defining precisely, unambiguously, what you want, is the first step in getting it.

The second step in getting what you want is making a plan, but in my experience most people struggle with the first part.

Making specific asks is a skill that can be learned, and it takes will and effort. Putting in the time to understand specifically what you are asking for is the hardest part.

In my experience, most people don't put in the emotional labour to understand specifically what they want. Until recently, myself included. Here's a simple test: why are you working where you are working? If you can't answer that, you probably haven't put in the work.

In high school I got a job at a banquet hall so I could pay for a trip to Italy. I wanted to go to Italy because I had never been on an overseas trip without my parents, and wanted to see the world on my own terms (sort of). I got a job washing dishes to pay for it.

I ended up loving that job and stayed there for almost 4 years. My specific ask changed from "pay for trip to Italy" to "work in a job I enjoy doing, to save up money for university". The day it was no longer fun and I had saved up enough for first year, I quit.

Knowing what you want puts guard rails around your decisions. It's the first part of long-term decision-making, and helps give clarity on why you are taking the steps you are taking.

This happens in the business world all the time: entire roles are dedicated to understanding what users want and need. This people are often called Product Managers.

Generally, roles can be broken into 3 categories: requirements, process, and management.

Requirements roles are any job where you are responsible for parsing ambiguous asks into specific outcomes. Product Managers do this, but often so do Engineers, Designers, Marketers and Salespeople. Emotional labour in the modern era is usually focused on this step.

Process roles are execution focused: now that we know what we want, how do we give it to people? This may also be Engineers, Designers, etc. and often folks who are earlier in their career. This transition from 'how' to 'what' is a big part of growing into a senior role.

Lastly management roles focus on organizing and supporting the people doing the other two.

The lines are rarely this clear and most roles have more than one category, but it's a good way to think about it. Doing the hard work of translating what people want into actionable requirements is not easy, but it is fundamental to success.

YCombinator's motto is 'Make Something People Want'. If it's good enough for the most successful accelerator program of all time, it's good enough for you.

Here are some strategies I have found helpful:

1. Ask Follow-up Questions.
   
   What do you want out of your career? I want to be rich. What does rich mean to you? To be financially stable. What does being financially stable mean? Making $4k per month and having no debt. Keep asking until you have specifics.
   

2. Spend Time Alone.
   
   The world is noisy and your deepest desires are whispers. Spending time alone, in what Ryan Holiday refers to as Stillness, is fundamental to uncovering these needs. Run, meditate, walk in the forest; whatever helps clear your head. Do it more often.
   

3. Get Another Perspective.
   
   Ask your closest friends these hard questions about you. They can act as a mirror; it might be distorted or blurry, but it's reflecting some part of you back. It's often surprising what it reveals. Example: what are the activities that bring me joy?
   

4. Keep A Log.
   
   Journaling is a powerful tool to understand yourself, but a simple log of things you like and things you don't can be just as revealing. What activities bring you energy? How do you feel after eating carbs? Does this person make you happy often? Find the patterns.
   

5. Set SMART Goals.
   
   Specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, timely. This is a great filter to put your answers through. I want to be rich fails. I want to be debt free and own my home by age 40 might pass. Set a clear target. You can't hit what you can't see.

Of course, execution matters, but there are a million external resources to help with that. Knowing what you want is an internal battle only you can win. So start fighting.